At a debate last night, Scott Weiner and Connie Chan reiterated their pledge not to pollute the congressional race with anything resembling charisma. "I can speak woodenly for both of us and say that this is a promise we can keep," said Weiner, already in danger of losing the crowd. "Not one person will be enthralled by this campaign."
Chan co-signed. "Though I am not without my bureaucratic charms, I won’t stoop to personally inspiring people," the supervisor stated, describing herself as a mere vessel for the agenda she can't seem to get people excited about.
Analysts said they admired the commitment, which amounts to a purer form of representation. "Voters can’t be hoodwinked by some charlatan if developing a parasocial relationship with the candidate is not possible to begin with," said pollster Brad Pretori. "These politicians' lips are not for kissing babies, or issuing winsome off-the-cuff remarks," he added. "They're for articulating arcane policies and fumbling corny anecdotes."
Members of the electorate had their doubts. "It's probably fine during this phase, but we’re looking for national leadership here," said constituent Dave Perez. "The future of this country may depend on at least one of these people acquiring some panache."
