A new study commissioned by City Hall reveals that the amount of troubling behavior observed in San Francisco's public spaces is back down to the shocking baseline residents remember from decades past. "Groping attempts by people in Spider-Man costumes are down almost 30 percent. Bonfires are now incredibly rare inside most supermarkets," said the city's safety czar. "This is a huge success story."
Officials are always quick to rattle off statistics that point to a recovery, but residents have also noticed a change. "I can't even remember the last time I found a bag of dead pit bulls on top of my car," said longtime local Heath Childers. Civic oversight teams agree that the reduction is significant, but caution that residents shouldn't expect to get anywhere near zero. "This is San Francisco. There are always going to be a few people with crossbows outside of the Walgreens."
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